Teasers. Enjoy!
Barf bags not included.
THE DAREDEVIL MOUSE
Somehow we must have conned our parents into letting us have some little white mice for pets (Jeez, did they even know us?) Of course, mice aren’t normally the type of pets you play with, so we got bored pretty quickly with just watching them. That’s when we decided to make up our own mouse games.
And by our own mouse games I mean games that included our brother Mark’s mouse. We certainly weren’t going to try this shit with our fragile little critters.
Depending on how old you are you may not remember Hot Wheels, but basically they were little plastic tracks that you could build into swooping curves, long straightaways, and death-defying jumps. A perfect game for Mr. Mouse!
THE WORLD'S LONGEST SNOT
As you know by now, whenever we got bored we would come up with a new version of who can do the grossest thing. Once again I have no idea how this game started (must have been flu season or something). One day we were in the backyard, and we all just happened to have runny noses at the same time. No self-respecting little boy would ever think of using anything but a sleeve or other body part to wipe their runny nose (even better if you could wipe it on something that didn’t belong to you). However, as fun as that may be, it turns out that it’s nowhere near as fun as playing who can drip the longest snot out of their nose and then sniff it back up.
THE DIRT CLOD VS THE EYE
Living as we did amidst so many orchards, not only did we have plenty of opportunity to graze all day on fruits, but the tilled dirt you always found in orchards made for some great grenade fights. Or more accurately, dirt clod fights. Exploding as they did upon impact, those large chunks of dirt made the perfect hand grenades for playing war. And if you actually got hit with one it was no where near as painful as getting hit with a rock (unless of course it happened to be your eye that took the brunt of the blow).
DOGS AND CANDLES DON'T MIX
When melting wax on our skin (told you it was before TV, what else were we going to do?) it was always just a simple matter of letting the wax dry and harden, and then it basically popped right off. What we failed to take into consideration was the fact that a dog does not have relatively smooth skin. Oh no, they have that nice, thick hair that melted wax just wraps around and locks itself onto; like Velcro from hell. No matter how hard we scraped and pulled and picked at that stuff it would not come off. Mom and Dad would be home before too long and in a fit of panic one of us had the brilliant idea (if I only had a dollar for each one of those) to just hide the offending wax by putting our dog's little sweater on him. Never mind that it was full on summertime, we were only thinking.
THE CHEERIO BEEHIVE
Using my spoon to scoop up a sticky Cheerio (or two) I flipped it across the room. It shot all the way from the kitchen, across our family room, over the Booger Chair (knew I’d tie that in somehow) to ultimately land somewhere in the corner behind the TV. This immediately became a new competition and we all took turns shooting our sticky projectiles across the room and into that back corner.
As with the Booger Chair (which eventually became our main launching pad for this game), we must have been working at this, off and on, for months, if not years.